XPen FriendX
by theway.youare13
Summary: There's no good way to deal with a problem: Amanda finds the solution that fits for her. Epistle style - emotionnal.


_Hey guys. _

_Encouraged by all your nice comments on my other fiction, I decided to share something I myself began to do. This is going to be hard to read.. Very emotionnal.. Prepare yourself for Joseph's death __but the message I hope to transmit is a positive one, at the end. _ I'm not sure you'll like the concept but I kind of felt the need to share this so just let me know what you think. Of course, do not worry for my other fiction, I'll update the two of them as soon as I have the opportunity.  


_Take care xxx_

* * *

_Introduction_

Amanda decided it was time she should learn to deal with her life. Her addiction led her to take bad decisions and she was now ready to move on. If she wanted to keep her job, it was the only way, but there's a difference between feeling ready and actually change something. She felt alone, had nobody to talk with. It's been a few weeks since she considered talking to a therapist. After all, even Olivia did. The first meeting would probably be the worse, then she would get used to it she tried to persuade herself, but as the days passed, she realised counselling really wasn't for her. It would probably be the best way to cope with everything she's been through, but something bothering her. Was it the idea to feel judged by a total stranger? She wasn't sure about it… or maybe…. It didn't feel right because a therapist was a clean "perfect" person. Amanda was a good dedicated detective. But everyone has a dark side, and Amanda's one felt the need to be heard by someone who could really understand what it feels like to be wrong.

In addition to that, she really needed to talk to someone who knew what feeling alone is. That's what she felt like. The only persons who could understand how lonely she felt were the solitary ones. That's when she got the idea to correspond with a prisoner under sentence of death.

It was a weird idea, for someone who fought for justice daily. It was even weirder to look for comfort coming from someone who lost what she fortunately still had: her freedom. A chance to make it right, a chance to move on. Was it selfish? Not if she gave all her attention to that person, and for listening, she was talented. To offer her help, she was qualified.

Decision taken, she would find a pen-friend. But who should she pick? Someone who won't die too soon, so she would have the time to get to know him. No, she thought, this is selfish, it was better if she let the destiny decide. That's when she entered in the website and just picked a name with her eyes closed. Joseph Leroy. All right, Joseph will be.

* * *

_Dear new penpal, _

_Let me first introduce myself. My name is Amanda Rollins, I'm a SVU detective. I imagine how ironic you already think this situation is, a cop that wants to be your friend. Please, do not judge me. That's probably a line you're more used to write than I am, isn't it? Anyway, just give me the chance to get to know you. Do you have any hobby? What kind of music to you listen to? Are you into sports? I definitely am. What would you want us to talk about? Do not consider me a police officer, but just a person in need for a friend. Also, it's the very first time I correspond with someone so just let me know if I'm doing this wrong and I'll try to learn from your advice. Fell free to talk or ask about anything. Nothing is too mild or too hard. _

_I'm reading again what I just wrote and I realised that if I were you, I probably never would answer that letter. What else should I say about me? I'm not married, I live alone.. Not exactly alone, there's Frannie, here with me. She's my dog, she's my best friend. Jee! Now I sound pathetic.. But I'll take this risk. Anyway, if you feel like we could try to get to know each other and see where it's going, you have my address at the bottom. I'm looking forward to hearing from you. _

_Take care_

_Amanda._

* * *

As every morning, Joseph was in her cell. As every morning he was staring the ceiling. As every morning he was waiting for the night. That's how his life had been going these last 4 years. When will he die? He didn't know. Or maybe didn't he want to know? But the sooner would be the best. His soul was already gone.

That Tuesday morning though, would be different than any other Tuesday. He received a letter. The first time someone wrote to him. Was it an old friend of his? His mother finally forgave him? Was it an ex-girlfriend? He grabbed the letter without thanking the guard. He wasn't rude he just forgot the rules of simple communication. Loneliness was all he knew about. But he would be busy reading that letter. For a few seconds he would have company. As he was alone in his cell, there was no need to hide his joy.

He didn't open the letter as soon as he got it. He would make this moment last as long as he could. He turned it in his hands and smelled the envelope. He looked carefully at the handwriting but didn't recognize it. That's when he remembered. Three years ago, he wrote his name in the waiting-list for pen friend. He was disappointed. It's been the first time someone wrote him and this was a total stranger. He secretly still hoped it was someone he loved that wrote him while he opened the letter and looked at the bottom for the name: Amanda. Who was Amanda?

It took him a whole week to answer that letter. He hesitated before even sending it back but he finally send it back just like that, not expecting another answer.

* * *

_Dear Amanda, _

_I thank you for the time you took to write me. I red your letter again and again. So you're a cop? It's funny isn't it? I'm not judging you for that, believe me. _

_I'm judging you for pretending you can understand me. You see, the difference between you and me is not about who's the good and who's the bad one. It's about the simple fact YOU wrote me, you chose me. You wanted to have a penfriend, well you can. I do not have the right to choose, have I? It's either you or no one. You see the difference? _

_Send my regards to Frannie though. I used to have a dog whose name was Ace. I miss him. He died and so will I. Let me ask you a simple question? Why are you doing this? Why did you write me? _

_I'm not sure if you'll answer me and I don't mind anything you'll decide. Because, you have a choice, remember that. _

_Should I also thank you for the time you used reading my answer, detective? Or maybe apologise for how rude I am being? _

_I wish you a good day anyway. _

_You're a good person I guess, _

_Joseph _


End file.
